Lost: Sex = Death

Ever since Shannon took a bullet to the belly, it’s been something of a running joke amongst fans of this show that sex equals death. Well, tonight we got concrete proof that it’s not just a joke among fans — it’s freakin’ deliberate.

Juliet confirms that women who conceive on the island die, usually by the middle of their second trimester, never later than the beginning of the third. And Sun, we learn, was impregnated by Jin…on the island. (Yeah, we learned his swimmers don’t swim a while back, but tonight Juliet rather casually informed us that sperm production is up five-fold on the island. Which makes me think that Dharma’s missing a bet with all this cloak and dagger stuff — they should just rent out the island to infertile men! Let them come here for a hefty fee, impregnate their wives, then go home to deliver safely. Lot more money in that than in terrifying helpless castaways.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah — Sun’s gonna die. Bummer, huh?

Actually, though, I like this plot development. It adds a ticking clock to a show that’s been woefully missing one for a while. Now there’s a compelling reason to figure out the island mysteries and get off the island as quickly as possible. (Other than, y’know, just wanting to get the hell of the island in the first place!)

Further in the “answers revealed” category this week, Mikhail reveals that–

Wait a sec.

Mikhail?

Shoved-through-the-sonic-fence-by-Locke, blood-spurting-out-his-ears, foaming-at-the-mouth, “He’s dead, Jim,” Mikhail?

Um, yeah. He’s back. With no explanation. Which is actually fine because it was such a complete shock to me that I prefer it go unexplained for now.

Anyway, he reveals that, yes, the island does have mysterious healing properties. Yeah, we’ve known that for a while, but now someone has told the castaways in no uncertain terms.

Things like this, coupled with Juliet’s comment on sperm production, make me think that maybe the producersare going to start doling out the answers a little bit. Stranger things have happened, I guess.

In the flashbacks… Um, we learn that Jin and Sun love each other a lot. (Which we knew already.) We learn that Sun is a hard-core bad-ass. (Which, uh, we knew already.) We learn that Jin’s mother is/was a prostitute who blackmailed Sun. (Which we didn’t know already, but which was telegraphed really badly.) And we learn that Jin’s dad keeps $100 grand in cold, hard Korean cash in his safe and doesn’t mind punching in the code while his daughter is standing there.

Which we didn’t know. But, uh, does anyone feel enlightened by that knowledge?

So, back on the island, Juliet leaves Ben a love note, saying, “I hate you,” which is nice. And Lady from the Sky gives us a great cliffhanger when she reveals that Oceanic Flight 815 was found…and there were no survivors. Ooh… That’s enough to keep me coming back next week, kids.

But…

When Juliet takes Sun to the Caduceus, I couldn’t help thinking, “Why haven’t the castaways moved in here yet? It’s safe; it’s dry; it’s got electricity.”

Which, of course, brought me back to my same old bugabooWhy in the name of all that is holy and good and righteous haven’t the castaways moved to Otherville yet? Jesus! Someone, anyone on the writing staff, PLEASE throw in a single line explaining this because it’s killing me! Of all the lame-brained things the castaways have done on the island, this is surely the stupidest. And every time an episode goes by without an explanation, a little piece of me dies.

And that’s just sad.

Lost: Mr. Des’s Wild Ride

My big complaint? It’s been two weeks since Jack et al left the Others’ camp and still no explanation as to why the Losties haven’t moved en masse to Suburbia Behind the Fence. Come on, people. I would take a throwaway line if you’d just, uh, throw it my way.

This is such a massive, absurd plot hole that even Evangeline Lilly in her undergarments couldn’t make me forget it. Even Ms. Lilly later crawling atop Sawyer, providing a gratuitous (but much-appreciated) look down her top couldn’t distract me from the utter idiocy of not moving to Otherville.

One line, Lost folks! Good Lord, just have someone mention that there’s some dissension in the ranks and discussion about moving going on. That’s all. It’s not difficult.

Sigh.

And would Jin really go running off for a camping trip of all things?

And how in the world could Desmond think that letting Charlie take an arrow to the throat would make Penny somehow survive the helicopter drop? There’s absolutely no causal connection between the two. In fact, sacrificing Charlie would most likely have slowed Des and the boys down and made it impossible for them to get to Penny in time.

In some ways, though, I can forgive this episode a lot. Because Des’s backstory was just so much fun, even though I think his rationale for calling everyone “brother” was a little overdone. But how can you not love Des guzzling the monastery’s wine? How can you not love the thought of the love-obsessed Scotsman in a monastery somewhere? And wasn’t his meeting with Penny sweet?

Oh, and surely I’m not the only person who noticed the photograph on the abbot’s desk? Veeeery interesting!

The backstory and the little details of the episode have me convinced that the producers have a decent wrap-up coming our way in a few weeks. But the particulars of everyday life on the beach are still nagging me. Hopefully next week will bring some progress on that score.

Don’t hold your breath, though. Just in case the answers are a long time coming.


Lost: No! Yes! No!

Goddamnit!

OK, now that that’s out of the way…

I swear, this is the most infuriating show on television! Yes, tonight they let us take a big, giant step in the direction of The Truth, but they still kept the characters in the dark for no good reason! I kept going back and forth — was it great? Was it teh suck (as the kids say)?

I can see the writers’ meeting right now:

WRITER A: Well, we’ve got Juliet at the beach, but won’t everyone pelt her with questions?

WRITER B: We need an excuse for them not to.

WRITER C: I’ve got it! Have her save someone’s life and then everyone will trust her!

REST OF ROOM: Huzzah!!!!

NOOOOOO!

Jesus, people! Just because you trust someone doesn’t mean you give them a free pass! The most likely, reasonable, rational scenario is that Juliet saves Claire’s life and everyone on the beach says, “Wow, that’s great! So you’re really one of us! Terrific. Now since you’re one of us, we know you won’t mind answering some questions…”

I mean, yes — Elizabeth Mitchell knocked her flashbacks out of the park (especially that heart-wrenching moment when she sees her nephew on the Flame’s monitors). And yes, EM is six, maybe seven kinds of hot. And yes, it was great to see Hurley bring up Ethan’s transgressions (though he should have mentioned that Ethan damn near killed Charlie!). And yes, yet again, the twist at the end was fabulous.

But the whole thing was marred by the stupidity of Juliet not being hammered with questions (as mentioned above) and by the absolute idiocy of Jack sending Juliet for the medical supplies alone, as opposed to having, say, Kate go with her. This was done purely so that Juliet could have a scene of faux drama with Sawyer and Sayid, said scene coming off laughable because those two guys should have said, “Exactly, we’re not angels. So start talking, lady.”

God.

As to Juliet not being asked any questions: The solution to this is so simple, it’s absurd. To wit:

SAWYER: Start yappin’, little lady. I got a hankerin’ for some answers and I ain’t too picky about how I get ’em right about now.

JULIET: I would love to tell you everything. But we’ve all been given post-hypnotic suggestions that prevent us from talking about the group or anything related to it with outsiders. Ben has to give me a pre-programmed codeword to break the suggestion. If you can get him to do that, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.

SAWYER: Sounds like hogwash to me. Sayid, get your knives.

KATE: Wait a minute, Sawyer. We saw them brainwashing that kid, remember?

JULIET: Exactly. We all go through that. I can’t tell you anything at all.

Now, was that so difficult? A nice little lie (or hell, maybe it could be true, depending on the arc of the show) resolves the lingering question of why no one ever gets any answers until the producers WANT them to.

 

Sigh. Lost folks, I’d kill to write an episode of this show. Call my people . 🙂

Lost: Necessity

Not much to say this week. This particular episode wasn’t good, wasn’t bad. It was just necessary.

Basically, this served as a bridge episode, setting up certain elements to prepare for next week. (And, hopefully, beyond. Though this show has displayed a disturbing tendency to set up pitches and then let them fly by.)

Most interesting tidbit this week? Juliet’s claim that she had never seen the smoke monster before. And yet she knew exactly how to stop it. Strange.

Just before the preview for next week came on, I thought to myself, “If they don’t grill Juliet for everything she knows, I am SO finished with this show.” So I was gratified to see Sayid threatening Juliet for information. Then again, for a torturer and alleged bad-ass, Sayid has actually proven pretty terrible at getting information out of people. Yeah, he tortured the hell out of Sawyer in Season 1, but his run at Ben (“Henry Gale”) in Season 2 didn’t accomplish much. I want to see Sayid get everything there is to get out of Juliet.

While I enjoyed the “lame con” Hurley pulled on Sawyer, it’s ultimately meaningless with Jack coming back next week. It’s nice to see that someone was thinking ahead (and it connected last week’s seemingly disconnected episode as Hurley’s reason for his con), but it’s just moot.

Oh — Locke going with the Others? Veeeery interesting. I wonder if we’ve seen the last of him for a while. I hope not — Locke’s character is just starting to be redeemed. If he does return, then he must know a hell of a lot about the Others, and I swear if the writers pull an amnesia out of their butts to explain away that knowledge… Ugh.

We’ll see what happens next week. Looks like a Juliet flashback. She’s a new character and we’ve already had plenty of Juliet this season, so let’s hope it’s worth it.

UPDATE: In the cold, clear light of morning, this just occurred to me: Are they really going to pack up and leave Otherville? Um, there are houses there, people! There’s infrastructure! Move in a bunch of folks and who knows what you might discover? Plus, there’s a friggin’ security fence that keeps out the bad guys! If next week’s episode doesn’t have a damn good explanation as to why they’re not just going back to the beach to gather everyone up and move them to a safe haven…I’ll be very concerned.

Lost: Jungle Gump

OK, unlike Robin, I didn’t think last night’s Lost sucked entirely. It was — in my opinion — somewhat entertaining to see Nikki and Paolo as the Forrest Gump(s) of the island, interacting with the cast throughout the various Season 1 and 2 dramas. Unfortunately for the producers, those flashbacks also served to remind me just how ungodly good this show was when it first came on the air. Don’t get me wrong — in the past few weeks, we’ve turned something of a corner (I hope), but still… Season 1 was magic, people. And last night drove that home. (God, remember when the castaways seemed terrified at every moment? Remember when survival was paramount?)

In all, the episode was a well-structured little character mystery, though I do wonder why a TV producer would have eight million bucks in diamonds lying around his house. Couldn’t the producers have had something else as the MacGuffin? Maybe blackmail-worthy photos of a celebrity or something? That would be more realistic, I think.

Good:

  • the explanation for Paolo’s trip to the Pearl’s lavatory (I hearby revoke my previous nickname for him: Sir Shits-A-Lot)
  • the final, chilling shovel of dirt tossed on Nikki’s eyes just as she opened them.. (brrr)
  • Sawyer reverting to type (sneaking away for the diamonds, natch)
  • Sun decking Sawyer
  • Hurley dissing Desmond’s super-power
  • Hurley describing Exposé as “like Baywatch, only better”
  • seeing old friends like Arzt, Boone, and Shannon again

Bad:

  • the writers having enough contempt for the intelligence of the audience that they felt it necessary to have Nikki explain what “Medusa” means
  • Nikki suddenly hearing the approach of the male medusa spiders and looking around — um, what?
  • those spiders showing up way too fast
  • Arzt totally telegraphing the whole spider thing in the first place — clumsy

Now, the very best part of the episode was the twist that the poison only paralyzes, doesn’t kill. And, of course, the mounting horror of being buried alive. I admit I’m conflicted on this point: Are Nikki and Paolo really dead? At first I thought they would just rise up out of the sand, but then I saw that freakin’ huge mound of sand Sawyer et al piled on top of them. I don’t know — I think it would be tough to come up from that!

But then again, let’s not forget what Locke told Paolo earlier: Things don’t stay buried on this island. The tide’s coming in. If Nikki and Paolo can stay alive until high tide, they might just be rescued by Nature itself.

Is it evil of me that I don’t really want them to be?