THE BLog

When Rejection Gets Ridiculous

Go check out Robin’s site for a great anecdote about rejection.

What really amuses me about this story, though, is what you don’t know: Robin was kind enough to tell me the name of the editor in question and I realized that I gave that same editor a Fanboy manuscript back in May 2004…and still have never heard back!

Fortunately for me, it doesn’t matter any more. But I admit I am tickled by the thought that — at some point in the future — I may get my own enormously, ridiculously delayed rejection from this editor…a year or more afterthe manuscript in question was acquired and published!

Oh, the writing life!

Back to School

Depending on traffic, I can get from my house to the house where I spent most of my teenaged years in 25-35 minutes. So it was no big hassle to go to my old high school early this morning. (Well, the “early” part was sort of a hassle. I hate getting up when it’s still dark out!)

Why was I up at the crack of God-knows-when? Well, a month or so ago, I received an e-mail from my high school: Would I be interested in coming to speak to students about being a professional writer on Career Day?

I figured why not. Again, it’s not like it was an arduous trek or anything. And I’ve learned that I really, really like talking to groups of students who are interested in writing. I was told that the Career Day groups (I would talk to two of them) would be made up of kids who had expressed an interest in writing, so I was good to go.

When I got there, I was hit with a massive wave of surreality. It’s been something like fifteen years since I walked the halls of my high school. But going from the student parking lot to the cafeteria doors felt like it could have happened yesterday. I mingled with a group of kids arriving for school and had to remind myself that I wasn’t one of them.

Inside, I suffered that most clichéd of all sensations – the school did, indeed, seem smaller. Now, I’m no taller or larger than I was in high school, so it’s not like I literally outgrew it or anything. I guess when you’re younger, school is so central to your life that it seems cavernous and overwhelming. Not so much when you’re an adult. (Although I did confirm that the school was actually smaller in one regard – the lockers seemed shorter and I discovered that they were, in fact, replaced with smaller ones a few years back.)

The building actually was much the same in terms of design and decoration. I wouldn’t have felt out of place had a fifteen-year-old me somehow stumbled through a space-time wormhole and ended up in the North Carroll High School of 2007. Two major differences: the main office, once open to the lobby, was now shuttered behind new walls and doors. And the media center seemed enormous due to the loss of most of the stacks and the ancient card catalog, which opened up the space. (So, yeah, it was the only part of the building that seemed bigger, not smaller.)

And you know what? I found that I could navigate as if I still went there every day. I knew where the English department was, where the Social Studies rooms were. A lost gentlemen (also there for Career Day) stopped me and asked for directions to the Senior Patio and I was able to give them to him, no problem.

Again, I hadn’t been in this building for at least fifteen years. Weird.

Weirder still was seeing many of my old teachers. In the same classrooms! My ancient history teacher “sponsored” my appearance, as I used her room to talk to students and she confirmed for me that, yes, some of the posters on the walls were the same ones there when I was a student. The teacher on whom I played the Great Ecuadorian Tortoise Blight prank (read Fanboy, if you don’t get this joke…) stopped by and hugged me, so I guess all is forgiven.

I saw a couple of my old English teachers, including the teacher who – at my senior awards ceremony – announced me as the outstanding English student by saying, “He claims he’s going to college to be a lawyer, but his English teachers know he’ll be a writer.” Damn, she’s good, huh?

Made my Brit Lit teacher very happy by reciting the first 18 lines to The Canterbury Tales in the original Middle English .

Some of them were older. Some heavier. One or two – freakily – looked like they hadn’t aged a day since I last saw them all those years ago.

And the kids? God, the kids!

Some terrific questions from the crowd. They seemed to enjoy my talk, which I had worried about. After all, as I told them, there were FBI Agents and models and video game designers there for Career Day. People who could show you what they did, people who could explain what you had to do in order to attain their profession.

But I couldn’t show my kids what I did. It’s not very exciting to watch someone type! So I just walked them through the process of building a writing career, explaining about agents and publishers and the necessity of revision and good, honest feedback.

(I think it also helped that I was very willing to be a smart-ass. I noticed emergency evacuation plans on my podium, including those for the event of a nuclear attack. I made quite a bit out of those, believe me…)

I felt good doing the presentation. I was telling these kids things that I dearly wish I had known as a struggling wannabe writer at their age. I probably wouldn’t have wasted so much time on dead ends if I had known these things then. So at the very least, I hope I made some budding writer’s journey a tiny bit easier.

I stuck around for a little while after my sessions. Just wandered the halls a little bit. Talked to some old teachers (and did that Chaucer recitation). You know, in my first book, Fanboy fantasizes about achieving fame and fortune, then coming home and having everyone watch him in awe, fawning all over him. As shallow as it is to admit, I think there was a small part of me that shared that fantasy with Fanboy. When I returned to school today, though, there was no awe. Just people from my past who greeted me with a smile…and a handshake…and an honest, “We’re proud of you,” before getting back to work.

And you know what? That’s the way it should be. And that’s good.

Lost: Locke Lies?

Lo, and the skies opened up and the rain came down and the gods looked down on the latest episode of Lost

And it was good.

Pretty damn good, in fact.

I have to admit that this episode was really solid. And it even ameliorated some of the concerns I had about last week’s episode. For example, I was enormously frustrated by the lack of communication between Locke and Sayid regarding the explosives in the basement of the Flame Station, but apparently that wasn’t an oversight — it was intentional, as we learn that Locke is up to something. (And from the previews of next week, it looks like he’s got a serious agenda that no one else knows about.)

The characters actually talked. They actually shared information, including Desmond telling Claire about his psychic powers and Charlie’s impending doom. (In previous episodes, that would have been glossed over with some hand-waving, much to the annoyance of the audience.) Locke, et al pressed Mikhail for answers and got a few (including a tantalizing hint that the Others know quite a bit about the Losties pre-crash). And while I was peeved that Locke killed Mikhail before he could offer more answers, it did make sense from the point of view thatsomeone had to test the security system…and Locke does have that hidden agenda.

Also good to see: an actual attempt to get off the island! People exchanging information!  An admission that some people have just given up on ever leaving the island. Continuity (Sawyer’s nickname ban continues).

What was bad in the episode? Not a lot. It does, however, stretch credulity to the breaking point to think that Claire could meet her long-lost dad and never get his name. (Even if she didn’t ask, you’d think he would say, “My name is Christian Shepherd.” Or even just leave his name and number in case she changed her mind in the future.) And it’s a little bothersome that Sayid and Kate let Locke’s behavior slide, but they did give him some guff about it and I noticed that he was put on tree-chopping duty while everyone else sat around and chilled out. Also, Claire’s relationship to Jack was telegraphed way back in Season 2’s second Ana-Lucia flashback, so that revelation went over like the proverbial lead balloon.

Fortunately, there was plenty of other good stuff to distract me.

Oh, and that ending? With Jack playing football with Tom? Pretty damn cool. It does, however, indicate that another Jack-centric episode is in our near future…and I think we’ve had enough of them to last a looooooong time.

MadTV Goes Mac-Mad

OK, so the jokes are a bit obvious, but still: This clip from MadTV accomplishes what it sets out to with style and wit. It’s no less funny for its predictability.

Royalties

Well, I feel like a real writer now — I’ve received my first royalty statement! (And no, I won’t be reprinting it here. Sheesh!)

It’s sort of a strange feeling. For months now, friends, aquaintances, and even random strangers have been asking me, “So, how many copies have they sold?” To which I have shrugged and said, “Beats me.” Because that’s the truth. It’s not like I get phone calls from my publisher every day, shouting out, “Five copies just sold in a Barnes & Noble in Skokie! And a thirteen-year-old girl just bought a copy in Modesto!”

It’s a strange truism of this writing life, I’ve noticed, that the author is the last person to know anything. I was the last person to find out I had a two-book deal. I’m the last person to know how many copies my book has sold so far. When the time comes, I’ll be the last person to know that a movie deal has been hammered out.

I’m actually fine with all of that. It means I can focus on writing, which is the way I want it to be.

But what’s really weird is that even though I have this statement, I still don’t really know how many copies of my book have been sold!

Because first of all, this statement is up through September 30, 2006. My book’s official publication date was October 2, 2006. Which means that this statement takes into account those copies sold to stores before the book was available — there’s no way for me to know what sold after that point.

Second of all, this shows books sold to stores, not books sold by stores. So it’s possible that every copy on this statement is still sitting on a bookshelf in a store somewhere. (Probably not, but play along, OK?) Just as it’s possible that every copy on this statement sold to an eager reader. (Again, probably not, but again, play along.)

Third of all, stores can return books. For all I know, there are huge boxes of my book being shipped back to Houghton Mifflin as I type this.

So as cool as it is to have some numbers, I still can’t really answer the question, “How many copies have they sold?” At best, I can say, “Well, as of September 30 of last year, bookstores ordered X number of copies, some percentage of which have been sold to readers, another percentage of which may or may not be returned. And more copies may or may not have been reordered since and may or may not continue to be reordered in the future.”

Which, I admit, is still better than “Beats me.”