How to Win on The Voice

I’m not much of a fan of reality TV, but my wife likes The Voice, so I usually end up watching it. Last night, I tweeted the following:

Here’s what I meant by that: ostensibly, the point of The Voice is to seduce one of the coaches into picking you and then grooming and guiding you through the show and to eventual victory. If only one coach chooses you, you’re stuck with him or her, but if multiple judges pick you, you get to choose which one will mentor you.

If Pharrell Williams is one of your options, you’re an idiot to pick anyone else.

The hat is so big because it has to hold his GENIUS.

Look, I’m sure Blake Shelton, Adam Levine, and Gwen Stefani are all very nice people. And I’m sure they all have interesting things to teach singers. But at the end of the day, no previous winner of The Voice has skyrocketed to success. The show’s been on for six seasons, and I’ll bet you can’t name two winners.1

So, winning The Voice isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s probably like getting drunk on the best champagne in the world — you feel amazing while it’s happening, but the hangover is really gonna suck, no matter what the quality of the booze.

But Pharrell Williams isn’t just another coach or singer. He’s one of the industry’s top producers. If Blake or Gwen or Adam love your voice and you win the show, well… We’ve already seen what happens: Not much. You’re not going to be the next superstar on the strength of winning The Voice. And if you don’t win, well, it doesn’t matter how much they love you. Maybe you’ll get to open for them on tour, but… Eh. Not exactly superstardom.

But, damn — if Pharrell Williams loves you, it almost doesn’t matter if you win or lose the competition. If Phrarrell truly falls in love with you, the guy is a top-notch producer and he can pick up where the show leaves off and give you your best, most legitimate shot at stardom. Having Pharrell as your coach is like getting two bites at the apple. Hey, maybe you win the show and buck tradition by blowing up huge. If not, though, maybe Pharrell throws an arm around you and says, “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s go make a platinum album.”

And his track record speaks for itself.

So, yeah: If you’re on The Voice and one of your judge options is Pharrell, it’s a no-brainer.

Then again, what do I know? I don’t like reality TV.

  1. If you can name two winners, smartass, go ahead and sing a couple of their original songs. Ha!


  1. I can only name three singers from the show that I’ve enjoyed and rooted for: two were finale runners-up and one was a winner. One was Cassadee Pope, who won, but I liked her back when I had her Hey Monday CD and Blake took her in a more country direction, which made me sad. I loved Dia Frampton from the first season and I do own her CD. I have my eye out for when Christina Grimmie from last season comes out with her first album, though I wasn’t a fan of the song “Must Be Love” that she released this summer.

    Then again, the only Idol singer I ever enjoyed was Kelly Clarkson, and I hated the album she put out right after Idol!

    I hope Pharrell gets someone from this reality show to hit it big. It needs something. It’s mostly fun to have on as background noise when doing things around the house and listening to the judges snipe at each other.

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