Who Writes This Crap?

Here is the press release describing the new Superman movie — Man of Steel — and its 2013 3D and IMAX 3D release:

In the pantheon of superheroes, Superman is the most recognized and revered character of all time. Clark Kent/Kal-El (Henry Cavill) is a young twenty-something journalist who feels alienated by powers beyond his imagination. Transported years ago to Earth from Krypton, a highly advanced, distant planet, Clark struggles with the ultimate question ‘Why am I here?’ Shaped by the values of his adoptive parents Martha (Diane Lane) and Jonathan Kent (Kevin Costner), Clark discovers having extraordinary abilities means making difficult decisions. When the world is in dire need of stability, an even greater threat emerges. Clark must become a Man of Steel, to protect the people he loves and shine as the world’s beacon of hope – Superman.
The IMAX release of Man of Steel will be digitally re-mastered into the image and sound quality of The IMAX Experience® with proprietary IMAX DMR® (Digital Re-mastering) technology. The crystal-clear images coupled with IMAX’s customized theatre geometry and powerful digital audio create a unique environment that will make audiences feel as if they are in the movie.

Good God! That is possibly the most boring description of an action hero I have ever read! It acts as though there are people who don’t know even the basics about Superman, as though there are people who will be surprised by the nature of his “extraordinary abilities,” for example. It dramatically mis-characterizes Superman’s core motivations (he doesn’t put on his costume to “protect the people he loves,” but rather because it’s the right thing to do). And it is stupidly and bizarrely passive. Why is Superman “transported years ago to Earth from Krypton” when the old standby “Rocketed from the doomed planet Krypton as a child” is so much more dramatic and interesting? Why is he struggling with the “ultimate question” and not struggling with evil, criminals, and, y’know, active threats in general?

Right now, there are two possibilities: A press relations monkey with no clue and less talent wrote this. Or — more horrifying — this blurb is an accurate description of what would have to be a monumentally awful Superman movie.

Zack Snyder… I am one of the few people on the planet who liked both Watchmen and Sucker Punch. And I love Superman. Please don’t let me down.

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